Letters to Tokyo
by Liztheterrible
Summary: It's a day off for Shizuo and he would like to spend it in peace with a new book from his favorite author, Narahiko Honda. Erika and Walker invite Shizuo to a book signing and when he discovers the man behind the books he loves so much, it will take everything he has to keep his cool.
1. Books that Feel Like Home

It was spring in Ikebukuro and one of Shizuo's rare days off. He had started the morning with a stroll through the park and a stop by a book store to pick up the new Narahiko Honda novel. Around midday Shizuo found himself at a peaceful coffee shop, the type of cozy place with couches and bookshelves. He bought a coffee and settled down into one of the chairs in a back corner, happy to spend a day in a quiet place with the newest installment of his favorite book series.  
A couple hours passed in peace. Customers came and left the café while Shizuo sat absorbed in the pages of his book. Around four pm two particularly animated voices rose over the din of the shop.  
"Yes but you got the time wrong, Erika!"  
"I wouldn't have gotten the time wrong if you didn't get the venue wrong!"  
Erika and Walker squabbled while waiting for their orders. Once they got their coffee they spotted Shizuo in the corner.  
"Shizuo!" Erika exclaimed as she ran over to him, drink in hand. Walker strolled up behind her with a backpack so stuffed it looked about to burst.  
Shizuo looked up from his book. "Oh, hey guys, what's up?"  
They sat down in chairs across from Shizuo. Erika pointed at the book he was reading "Is that the new Narahiko Honda?"  
"yeah"  
"I didn't know you were a fan!"  
"They're pretty good."  
"Pretty good?!" Walker was shocked, "Those novels are a work of art! The relatable humanity of the characters! The intricate world building! The winding plots with unpredictable twists—"  
"-The romance!" Erika swooned, "The unrequited love between the lonely demon and the beast of Shizuoka!"  
Walker excitedly jumped in "But the most interesting characters are the Mako twins! How they solve mysteries and fight evil! Falling from the sky on their enemies in blazes of glory like angels from the heavens!"  
Erika turned to Walker and continued "Oh in the new book where the twins figure out who the—"  
"HEY!" Shizuo interjected, pulling the other two out of their revelry, "no spoilers."  
"Right, right." Erika nodded, motioning that her lips were zipped shut. A second later a spark lit in her eye, "By the way, Shizuo, Walker and I were on our way to the Narahiko Honda signing down the street! Since you're a fan you should come with us! It ends in less than an hour!"  
Shizuo looked from Erika to Walker, somewhat reluctant to leave his seat though his coffee had been empty for a while now. Erika and Walker held their hands together and looked at Shizuo with unrivaled determination. He actually was interested in getting his book signed and putting a face to the words that had given him a sense of peace over the last two years.  
"Fine, let's get going." He finally said, rising from the chair.  
Erika and Walker jumped up and spun together "Yes! An adventure with Shizuo!"  
The group grabbed their belongings and exited the shop. As soon as they were in the open air Shizuo lit up a cigarette and took a long drag.  
"You know, Shizuo, no one knows who Narihiko Honda really is!" Erika exclaimed.  
"I heard they're actually a group of over a dozen people." Walker replied.  
"I heard people only think that because Honda hires people to do their signings."  
"Maybe Honda is actually a teenage girl?"  
"Or an ex-mafioso running from their past!"  
Shizuo silently followed Erika and Walker as they continued debating the true identity of the author. He was also curious about who the author really was, but he had no theories. Instead he listened to the other two and pictured the various characters they conjured up. Some of their theories made him laugh as they were so far outside the realm of possibility that they were preposterous, even to Erika and Walker.  
"Shizuo here it is!" Erika spun as they reached the door of the book store.  
"Im so excited I can barely stand it!" Walker pumped his fists in the air and bounced on his toes.  
Shizuo put out his cigarette before opening the door. When the group walked in, there was a line halfway across the small store. There were enough people standing in front of them that they couldn't get a clear view of the table, despite Shizuo's height.  
Erika turned to Shizuo "Can you see from there?"  
Shizuo tried to lean to see around some of the taller people in the crowd but he still couldn't get a view of the author sitting at the signing table. Though he knew he should be excited, something felt wrong to Shizuo, like a buzzing at the back of his brain telling him he shouldn't have come. After a moment of silence from him Erika's voice broke above the crowd "Shizuo?"  
Shizuo blinked and shook his head, "No I can't see anything, too many other tall people here." Walker took his backpack off and unzipped it. Inside were at least ten copies of the novel. "You really think they're going to sign all of those?"  
"They may not but it's worth a try." Walker replied "That's why we came here late, so we wouldn't hold people up in line with all these copies that need signed" Walker took inventory of his stock as the line slowly moved forward. Erika, meanwhile, kept leaning to the side to see around people. Shizuo, on the other hand, opened his book and lost himself in it.  
"I saw their arm!" Erika exclaimed after a few minutes as the line got shorter. "Shizuo you can probably see now!"  
"No, I don't want to ruin the surprise." In truth he felt a sinking in his stomach as they edged closer and the nagging feeling that he shouldn't be there only got worse. He wished he could light up a cigarette. Then he heard it, an all too familiar laugh from up ahead. That's what the feeling was, then. Shizuo closed his book and looked at Erika "I think I'm going to leave. I smell that flea here"  
Erika and Walker immediately took hold of Shizuo's arm "No you can't leave! We're almost at the table! Please stay, Shizuo!" He looked down at their pleading faces. As annoyed as he was, Shizuo found himself unable to say no to their puppy-dog eyes. He sighed and said "fine, but that flea better not be here" Walker and Erika released him and he opened his book up again, trying to ignore what he had heard, hoping he had simply imagined it.  
Erika pumped the air with her fist, "yes! And we're only five people from the table!" She leaned around the line and her face lit up, "Oh this is better than I could have imagined!" She gasped, "It all makes sense now! Oh they're like lo-" Walker cupped a hand over Erika's mouth before she could say another word.  
Walker had also been scoping out the author, but his reaction was markedly different than Erika's. With one of walker's hands covering Erika's mouth he used the other to put a finger to his own lips in a motion to tell Erika to shut up. The two exchanged a look, glanced at the oblivious Shizuo, looked at each other again and nodded before Walker released Erika.  
The group waited in relative silence as their turn to see the author approached, but Erika couldn't keep the bounce from her step. As soon as she reached the table she planted both hands on it and looked into the author's face.  
"IZAYA!" She cried, "Are you the real author?!"  
Shizuo now had his eyes on the flea in front of him but remained silent though he could feel his forehead pulsing. Walker was busy unloading his backpack on the table.  
Izaya smiled at Erika, "How much do you want to know?"  
"You are, aren't you?!" Erika couldn't contain her excitement, "I never imagined—but this is great! Your writing is amazing! How did you even get started?"  
Izaya looked over to Walker's pile of books, "You want me to sign all of those?" Walker nodded, wearing a large grin on his face. Izaya pulled the pile over to him and began signing while Erika and Walker gushed to him about his books. Erika motioned for Izaya to listen and she whispered something to him that made him blush slightly before he laughed it off.  
nce Erika and Walker gave ground in the conversation, Izaya turned his gaze upward. "And I see you brought Shizu-chan! I didn't know you were a reader." He gave Shizuo a strangely warm look.  
Shizuo was thrown off-guard. "So this is what you're doing now, flea?"  
"Yes, well after so long doing the same thing I thought a change of careers would make things interesting again"  
"Why are you here?"  
"Here? Oh, in Ikebukuro? I was hoping I would run into you, actually. The idea of you chasing me around the city again felt somewhat nostalgic, I must admit. So what do you say?"  
Shizuo took a deep breath, "I say it sounds like a shitty way to spend my day off."  
"Then how about a drink to catch up?"  
During this exchange Erika and Walker were looking between the two men with growing senses of anticipation and dread.  
"DO IT!" Erika broke the strained silence, "Say yes, Shizuo!"  
"What? Why? It's Izaya. All he ever does is cause trouble." Shizuo replied to Erika, eyes still trained on Izaya.  
Walker stepped in, "Well it's not just Izaya anymore. It's Narahiko Honda, the most popular new novelist in Japan! You can't turn down a drink with him!"  
"I can."  
"Come on, Shizuo, you haven't seen him for 2 years!" Erika pleaded, "And these books are more than just books now!" Her attitude changed suddenly and there was an inspiring fire in her eyes "They're love letters and heartfelt apologies! The lonely demon! The beast of Shizuoka! Oh how did I not see it before?!"  
Shizuo raised an eyebrow at Erika "What the hell are you talking about?"  
"Oh and you've been reading these books non-stop since they came out, haven't you?! Only a true fan picks up a new novel the day it comes out! How romantic that the love letters were unknowingly received! That they were taken for simple stories and that the author had to hide behind pen-names to truly reveal his love!"  
"huh?" It wasn't that Erika was wrong. Shizuo did find the Narahiko novels strangely comforting and familiar. He had often thought Narahiko Honda's books felt like home. Though now that he knew the source of that comfort he wasn't quite sure what to think.  
"You should at least give him a chance. He is a celebrity now." Walker said, as if that was the most logical argument.  
Izaya was standing now. He had an infuriating smirk on his face. "So, Shizu-chan?"  
It had been 2 years since Shizuo last saw Izaya. 2 years since Izaya disappeared from Ikebukuro entirely. 2 years that had calmed Shizuo's uncontrollable rage. The fact that the book store was still in one piece after he came in contact with Izaya attested to how far he'd come. The thought occurred to Shizuo that perhaps he wasn't the only one who had changed. He spent a moment mulling things over in his mind. Maybe-and this was a thought he never expected to have-he should give the flea a chance.  
Shizuo found himself saying "Alright. But you're buying."


	2. A Change of Scenery

_This is a bad idea._ Shizuo's stomach was in knots. In one hand he clutched his phone in a grip threatening to break it, the other hand was steadily making a dent in the pole on the commuter train taking him to some seedy neighborhood in Shinjuku. His head was buzzing again. That irritating feeling that something was off kept nagging at him. Shizuo glanced down at his phone. It was open to a single message from an unknown number. All it had was an address, time, and a coy "see you soon~~~". It made his stomach turn. Of course this is how Izaya would operate. Of course he would send Shizuo to a shady bar in Izaya's home turf.

As the train came to a stop, Shizuo repeated the address out loud to himself, took a deep breath, and stepped out into the station. The entire ride he had been trying to breathe to dissipate the rage boiling up in him. He lit a cigarette as soon as he was on the street. The bar wasn't far away. _Maybe he won't be there_ Shizuo hoped. He didn't want to confront this part of his past. Not again.

Shizuo hadn't told anyone about this little meet up. The only people who knew were Erika, Walker, Izaya, and himself. He didn't want anyone else to know about it. He approached the bar at length and stood there staring at it. There were several steps leading down from the street into a small door which was propped open and pouring light out onto the pavement. Shizuo's heart started racing. He stared at the door for a moment. His jaw tightened and his forehead started pulsing.

"Dammit!" he exclaimed under his breath. Instead of going inside, Shizuo lit another cigarette and paced in front of the steps. The flea was in there. He knew it. He could feel it. _"Promise me you'll stop tearing apart the city"_ Shizuo remembered Celty's plea. That was a long time ago. So far he'd kept his promise but if he broke it tonight he didn't want his friend to find out about it.

As much as he wanted to turn and leave Shizuo knew he couldn't. His curiosity wound up getting the best of him.

"Shit" Shizuo growled. He stomped on the butt of his cigarette and braced himself.

The pub was a small establishment, with a long bar running down the length of the left wall and several tables scattered around the floor. The crowd was small but felt large in the cramped space. The flea sat at the far end of the bar top, face lit dimly by a cell phone screen, still wearing a jacket despite the stuffy atmosphere. Shizuo took a deep breath. Then he walked down to where the flea sat, violently pulled out the stool next to him, and sat down.

Izaya looked up at him with a grin on his insufferable face. "Shizu-chan! You made it! I was beginning to wonder if you were standing me up." His words rang with that same laughing tone Shizuo remembered. He balled his hands into fists.

"You know my name, flea"

Izaya poured Shizuo a shot of sake from an expensive looking bottle, "Oh relax, I just want to chat" he moved on to fill his own glass. "Drink up."  
Shizuo gripped the cup tightly and downed the contents in one gulp. The sake was one of the thick, sweet varieties. Thankfully it was strong. He grabbed the bottle and poured himself another glass. Izaya chuckled to himself, "Are you nervous?"

"The way I see it," Shizuo clenched his jaw, "This drink is about the only thing keeping me from bashing your head in right now."

"We've barely said 2 words to each other and already you're so wound up." Izaya shook his head and sipped from his own cup. "To be honest this is exactly what I expected of you, Shizu-chan." He sighed and finished his glass, then refilled it, "I do miss it sometimes. Don't you?"

Shizuo's muscles had already begun to relax and the desire to throw something was dissipating. "Miss what? You stinking up the city? Following me around?" He downed another glass, "Oh, how about all those times you got me _arrested_?!" Izaya had already refilled Shizuo's cup again. Shizuo picked it up and continued, sarcastically, "To the good ol' days!"

"I'll toast to that" Izaya said with a smirk. They both knocked back their third cups and soon the world began to soften at the edges.

"So I've been wondering this all day: what's with the switch of careers, flea?"

"Well like I said, I needed a change"

"That's bullshit. You never change."

"Shizu-chan! I'm wounded that you would say such a thing. Everyone changes at some point. Every person on the planet has to adapt constantly. Otherwise what's the point? It would be so boring if people didn't change at all. Besides it's an evolve or die world out there, Shizu-chan, I'm sure you realize that by now, seeing as to how you haven't destroyed anything all day. I'd say you yourself have begun to adapt, which I'll admit, does seem a bit bizarre. A super human like you really has no need to evolve now does it?"

"Cut the crap, Izaya. Tell me why you're here"

"No fun, as usual, Shizu-chan"

"You know my name, flea."

"Fine." Izaya sighed and poured thick, sweet sake into Shizuo's cup, "if you want the truth, I was simply feeling nostalgic, a little homesick as it were."

"So why did you want to see me?"

"Drink up, Shizu-chan." Izaya held his cup aloft and nodded before the two men downed their fourth glasses in one go. "Now, what were we discussing? Oh yes. Why I'm here, yeah?"

"Seriously why are you here, Izaya? We all thought you were gone, or dead, or. Something. Not coming back anyway." Shizuo let out a laugh, "I mean, no one wants you here and yet here you are again!"

"Why must you be so cruel?" Izaya sipped from his fifth cup, eyes beginning to go starry. He stared vacantly into his cup and quietly said "I think I did just miss everyone. Shinra, Celty, Mikage." He glanced at Shizuo, "You."

Izaya laughed with his head in his hands. "I still can't believe it. You actually read my books!"

Shizuo let out a hearty laugh along with Izaya. "I know! I can't believe you actually did something like that! What were you even thinking? I mean those books are not at all what I would expect from you." They were turned towards each other, behaving like they were actually friends, "I mean, what in the world made you start writing them? You know, Tom is actually the one who introduced me to them and I don't know, there was something so familiar about them…So what's it like, being a famous author and all? Giving up on playing god?"

"One thing I will never fully understand is what people see in that series. It's rambling, it's ridiculous and far-fetched. That's funny for anything to be far-fetched after all the shit we've seen, huh? But it puts food on the table. Wait, wait. So I'm curious. Who's your favorite character in them?"

Shizuo pondered the question for a moment, "Well to be honest I like most of the characters. I guess my favorite is probably the demon—rei?"

"Shizu-I mean, Shizuo. Seriously? I was planning on killing him off, he bores me anymore." Izaya stretched back, then he winced and quickly leaned forward, bracing himself on the counter.

Shizuo grabbed Izaya's arm to steady him. "Woah. Are you okay?" Suddenly Shizuo felt guilt so strongly it cut through the drunkenness

"Oh I'm fine, don't worry about it" Izaya brushed Shizuo's hand away and smiled, "Its just an old wound"

Shizuo was silent for a moment, staring blankly at his companion, "Did I—was that from—"

"Oh. No, actually. Well it might be. It's hard to keep track" Izaya's joking lilt was back. Shizuo had a feeling that the flea was lying. A memory surfaced. Verona with a gun, a knife stuck in Izaya's side. Silence settled over them before Izaya spoke again.

"So why Rei? Honestly I'm curious, why on earth is it Rei?"

Shizuo shrugged "I guess it's just that he's y'know, vilified for being what he is. He can't change being a monster that's something that's just a part of him, you know? And well, I guess I understand that and he's always on the outside looking in and he's always just, yknow, one small mistake away from hurting the people he loves and destroying everything. I dunno. I guess I understand him."

"But you realize he's alone because he hurts people? I mean, it's what he does. He doesn't know how else to live. He's shunned because he can't be anything but harmful."

"yeah, man, that's how I feel sometimes though. You even say yourself that I'm a 'monster' or whatever. I just feel connected to him on a personal level." Shizuo let out a chuckle then abruptly changed the subject with "oh, by the way, I know they'll want to know, or at least Shinra will want to know, Celty probably doesn't care at all, no offense. so I'll just ask: Did you mean to miss the wedding?"

"Well that's a bit of a long story. . ."

For a while the night continued with a friendly atmosphere. They finished the first bottle and started on a second one. It was somewhere around the middle of that second bottle that things started going south. It started with a comment about Shizuo's brother.

"How is your brother doing these days, anyway?" Izaya asked.

"why do you want to know?"

"Just friendly curiosity. You're still so touchy about this I see"

"Shut up, Izaya, don't—don't start this shit."

"You know, I saw him today. Of course, it's not hard to keep track of him. It's so easy to find out about his life. I guess fame will do that. Good thing he has you to keep him safe. Actually It's a wonder with your abilities you aren't famous, shizu-chan"

"Izaya—"

"I mean, the public loves a good monster story"

Shizuo's blood started going hot with rage. The next thing he knew, he had smashed a barstool against the wall and the flea was waving teasingly from the door. The bartender didn't have time to tell them to leave before they were already gone chasing each other down the street. Once Shizuo was out on the street he grabbed the nearest thing he could. In this case a bench from a bus stop. He tore the furniture right off the pavement and gave chase to the flea who was already turning a corner into an alleyway. Shizuo threw the bench down the alley but the flea ducked and turned onto the next street to dodge it.

The chase ended at a nearby park when Izaya—drunk and not paying attention—nearly ran into a bench. When Shizuo caught up, now with a large trash can over his head, Izaya was doubled over and shaking with laughter. "It's still so easy to get to you, Shizu-chan" Izaya slid to the ground, trying to catch his breath. Shizuo knew there was something strange about this but he couldn't think clearly and wound up dropping the trash can and joining in Izaya's somehow infectious laugh. It had never been infectious before.

Shizuo sat down on the ground next to Izaya, the world was spinning ever so slightly and Izaya was wiping tears from his eyes. Izaya gazed out to the city for a moment then gestured towards the abandoned trash can and said "Shizu-chan, you see, you see this? This is what I miss. You, me, the streets. Oh I miss it so much!"

"Izaya, last time this happened—really happened—I almost killed you"

Izaya threw his arms in the air, eyes wide with delight "I know! It was exhilarating! You just don't get these thrills in the country, you know?"

Shizuo ran a hand through his hair and said "I'm actually glad I didn't kill you. It's good to know you're, y'know, alive. I felt so guilty about it for the longest time" He tried to hid his sincerity and failed. Shizuo pulled a cigarette box from his pocket, pulled one out and put it between his teeth. Izaya watched him the whole time. "You want one?" He held the pack out to Izaya, who pulled a smoke out for himself and lit up.

Izaya picked up the bottle sitting next to him. Shizuo hadn't even noticed the flea had actually brought the booze with him but here they were with stolen sake. Izaya twisted the cap off and took a swig then offered it to Shizuo, who shrugged before accepting and taking a deep drink from the bottle. Shizuo sighed and wiped his mouth on his sleeve before placing the bottle between them.

It was a nice night. There was a subtle wind that brought a slight chill with it, but neither of the men noticed the cold. They sat and smoked in silence for a moment.

"Shizuo?"

"hmm?"

"S'it true that no one wants me here?" Izaya's voice sounded sincere and verging on sadness.

"Izaya…" Shizuo was at a loss.

"They've never wanted me around, Have they?" Izaya stretched and moved to lay down on the ground, "I suppose I should be used to that by now." He tried to keep up a light-hearted demeanor but something in his voice made his pain clear.

"Well you can't blame them, you've been a complete bastard. You tried your damnedest to ruin all of our lives. Multiple times. I mean, maybe if you tried—"

"No I get it. I don't blame you. Any of you."

"Izaya" He looked him dead in the eye, it was a little unsettling to see the flea so vulnerable, even if it was only because of the drinking, "why do you even care?"

"I don't know. I guess it doesn't really matter, does it? Why should I care? I don't remember caring before and yet," Izaya sighed, his eyes fixed on the sky above, "Have you seen a sky full of stars, Shizu-chan? It's the strangest feeling. It's like you actually see how small you are. How much none of this matters. Here, in the city, we're in our own bubble of smog and streetlights and it all matters…so…much. Things never used to matter to me. I knew I didn't matter but. The feeling of a sky full of stars. That's a whole other kind of insignificant." A moment passed before Izaya turned to Shizuo with a quizzical look on his face and said "Are you hungry? I could go for some Russian sushi"


End file.
